


Not a word

by PrincessAmericaChavez



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feeblemind, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mind Manipulation, Mindfuck, Protectiveness, Sleepy Cuddles, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-06
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-14 17:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13595043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincessAmericaChavez/pseuds/PrincessAmericaChavez
Summary: Caleb learns the hard way to be careful what he wishes for when his anger backfires and a friend gets hurt as a result.





	1. Silence

It'd been a long day of traveling and every inch of Caleb's body hurt. It was worth it, though, because the new town they'd stopped at had a wonderful little library and he'd found a new magic book for his collection. They were much harder to come by than he'd initially expected, therefore every single new adquisition felt like a marvelous tresure. If this was how dragons felt about gold, he couldn't blame them for furiously hoarding every coin.

He'd sent Nott up to bed —she'd been so tired she'd barely protested— and the rest of their odd little party had soon followed. Finally alone in the Inn's tabern, he sat down with a large glass of ale amd his new book, feeling like a giddy kid with a new toy.

Happiness didn't last him long. Actually, peace, didn't last him long. To be more exact: a blue hurricane of chaos and mischief showed up running down the stairs.

"I can't sleep!" Jester complained loudly, with a whiney drawl that made Caleb's shoulders tense.

He ignores her, eyes anchored on his book. He decided against commenting on the large amounts of sugar and pastries she'd consumed before bed being the probable cause of her insomnia. If he did, he risked starting a never ending conversation.

"Caleb," she insistes, pushing a notebook on his face, "do you wanna see my drawings?! Caleb?"

"No," he snapes dryly, turning slightly away from her.

"Well, then, can I see the drawings in your book?"

"No, go away," he grumbled, further turning away from the tiefling, curling his body around the book to shield it from her eyes.

He heard her sigh with frustration and after a few quiet seconds move away. For an instant, he thought he'd finally won back his solitude. Then, the pacing started: loud steps, up and down the stairs, filled the Inn, mixed with a never ending ramble apparently aimed to thin air. Jester's loud and high pitched voice ginded against his brain, blurring the arcane lines he was trying so hard to read, until the very last sliver of his patience disappeared.

"Stop!" He yelled, loud enough for his voice to scratch his throat.

Jester froze midway through taking a step, then finished with a slowness that felt deliberate and defying.

"What?" She feigned innocence.

"Just... stop," he muttered, glaring at her. "It's been a very long day. And I'm very tired..."

"Then maybw you should go to bed."

"... And you are very annoying."

"I'm not-"

"Yes! Yes, you are! You are such a loud pain in my ass every day on the road, and I take it, because I know you're part of this group and I know I have to, but right now... Right now, I do not want to be around you, I do not want to see you, I do not want to hear another word from you. Is that possible? Can you stop being so... so you... for a little while?"

His rant stopped and he found himself faced with the tiefling girl, her eyes hard and her jaw clenched. Regret immediately washed over him, but before he could say anything else, she shrugged.

"Fine, then I go outside. No need to be such a dick," she huffed, turning around and storming out.

Finally alone again, Caleb's body seemed to deflate. He sighed heavily a rubbed a hand over his face. He'd just have to apologize later. For now, though, he'd enjoy the peace his anger had won him.

He turned around and sank back into his reading. Immersed as he was, he barely noticed a blue blur as Jester walked back inside and, again, following his innitial instinct, he stubbornly ignored her. She said nothing either which, he guessed, meant it'd be better to talk once the morning had washed out the tension between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad for Caleb because he's really, really, REALLY, gonna regret those words eventually. Also, next chapter is Jester's POV.


	2. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone pressed "mute" on Jester's world and it's not good.

Jester sat outside the Inn, looking at her sketchbook with a pout. In her head, she felt the Traveler. It wasn't his voice she heard, more like a general annoyance at what had just transpired. She knew him well enough to recognize the intent behind it, though.

"I don't care!" She protested. "He's just a dick!"

In her head, the presence half chuckled, though it still felt somewhat angry. Or maybe that was her. She looked down at her sketchbook in frustration. She'd tried drawing a cartoonish version of Caleb, yelling at her with smoke coming out his ears, but instead of making her feel any better she just felt very small. The traveler whispered in her head again.

"A prank?! I don't know..." she mumbled. "I don't think that would help."

The traveler pushed again, warm and inviting.

"Oh, oh, oh, okay... That would be funny," she conceded.

As the mischievous idea started forming in her head, her deity's presence suddenly grew sharp and alert. Too late. Before she could react, a hand clasped itself around her mouth and nose, another big arm wrapping around her waist. She tried to protest but the sound came out muffled, barely audible.

"I've got you now, little demon," a low male voice laughed in her hear.

She tried to free herself from the grapple but the way she was grabbed made her efforts useless. Whoever was holding her was strong enough to lift her off the ground and carry her away from the Inn. Instinctively, she tried to call for Fjord but he wasn't anywhere close and his name crashed uslessly against the bruising fingers wrapped around her face.

A second man appeared from the shadows and moved to grab her legs. This time, she managed just enough movement to kick him off of her. The impulse was enough to momentarily free her lips and with whatever breath she had left in her lungs she invoqued duplicity out of pure instinct. A second version of her appeared a few feet away and ran straight towards the Inn.

The arm around her waist moved to her throat, chocking her before she could properly scream, or cast another spell, the smothering hand found her mouth once more and pressed against it with fury.

In her head, the Traveler was furious, close to screaming (if there was such a thing for a devine presence inside her head). She tried to focus on her duplicate, that walked through the Inn's doors without physically touching them and tried to mimic screaming and asking for help, waving her arms in silent dispair. Caleb was there, right?  He had to see it. Help her. Please, someone had to help her.

A river of thick unfamiliar words came out of the second man. Jester saw his hands and eyes light up and uselessly tried to wiggle herself free and out of the blast's way. It hit her right on the forehead. 

Like a string being cut, the Traveler's voice was cut off her mind. The world went silent. Her magic dispelled, just as everything around her blurred with loud confusion and a never ending emptiness. She felt herself lose the last threads of her mind, along with everything else she knew. In a blink, it was all gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you guys know what spell was that one at the end... :0


	3. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is missing and Fjord doesn't like it.

It was high noon when Fjord finally brought himself to knock on the girls' room. He'd put it off as much as he could, trying to give them time to rest, but by now they were loosing a better half of the day and not getting much done. It took a couple tries before Beauregard opened the door. Her hair was down and messy, she looked up at him tiredly and yawned loudly before he could get a word out. 

"Thought we said we'd meet for breakfast," Fjord said, unable to hide an amused smirk. 

"Yeah, so?"

"So, it's way past that. Y'all not up yet?"

"Dammit," Beau grumbled, rubbing her eyes with her fists. "I missed breakfast? Why didn't Jester fucking wake me up?"

"She still sleeping?" Fjord tilted his head, surprised. The tiefling was a morning person if he'd ever seen one. 

"Nah, man, she's not here. Can't believe she left without me, she said she'd wake me up!"

Fjord's brow furrowed, apparently enough for Beau to catch up on it. 

"What?"

"Jester's not downstairs either."

"Maybe she went out on her own," Beau offered. "Look, I gotta get ready..."

She closed the door on his face, then almost immediately reopened it. Her hair was now up on a bun, but her makeup was still smudged and her clothes —which she'd clearly slept in— were wrinkled. "Ready," she announced, grabbing her stick. 

Downstairs, the rest of the party was equally clueless about the tiefling's whereabouts. Not even the inn keeper remembered seeing her go out in the morning, though the mischievous blue girl was hard to miss. The more time passed, the more Fjord disliked the lack of information they had. 

"She probably just went outside early," Yasha offered. Even though she'd just recently caught up to them, even she had noticed Jester's early morning energy. 

"Maybe we should find her," Fjord said, crossing his arms. 

"Yeah, probably," Caleb sighed, sounding much more tired than he did last night. Fjord figured the excitement of his new acquisition had finally died down. 

"She'll be fine," Beau rolled her eyes, holding her coffee cup. "She can take care of herself."

"I'm not worried about her being in trouble," Caleb pointed out. "I'm worried about her  _causing_ trouble. We are trying to keep a low profile here and she's not very good at... well, that."

"You people and your low profile," Molly rolled his eyes. "She's  _fine_."

"Probably," Fjord nodded, "but we should find her anyway. No good in splittin' the party for nothin'."

They walked around the whole town —which didn't really take long, considering it was a rather small stop on the road— finding nothing. As recognizable as Jester was, no one seemed to have seen her. Even more telling, though, was the lack of chaos in town. They peeked into the shops and pubs looking for her particular brand of mischief, finding none (except for the bookstore in which she'd done her usual pranks the day before). By the time the sun began to set, Fjord's uneasiness had morphed into downright worry. He felt as if barnacles had grown inside his gut, as if something twisted inside him angry and insisting. He wasn't used to being part of a party of people, but he'd been a sailor long enough to know losing someone like this couldn't be good news. He felt  _responsible_ for it, even though he had no real reason to. 

"Well," Nott offered, "maybe she is here, but she doesn't look like herself. She could look like anyone, yes! She's very good at that! Like she did back when we escaped the first night! And maybe she's right here somewhere! Maybe it's a game!"

The goblin girl looked around excitedly, as if Jester would appear out of thin air any second now, laughing maniacally at her day-long prank. Nott had been especially quiet the whole day, without her usual playful companion, and even now her cheerful theories seemed incomplete without the tiefling playing along with them. 

"I mean, she  _is_ good at disguising," Beau noted, taking a sip of her ale. "Maybe she skipped town."

Molly sent the monk an annoyed look, quite frankly offended. 

"What?! She talked about doing that before," Beau shrugged, eyes meeting Fjord's. He suspected Beauregard was still sensitive about Jester's playful proposal to leave her behind. 

"So you think she just... left?" Caleb asked. Not for the first time today, his face was furrowed with something hard to pinpoint.

"She may have," Yasha nodded solemnly, though unlike the others she didn't seem troubled by the choice she'd made once or twice before. 

"You think she left?" Molly snorted, shaking his head. " _Without Fjord?"_

And just like that, all eyes fell on him. He met their gazes curiously, and was surprised when they all seemed to nod in agreement as if an irrefutable truth had been voiced.

"What?" He asked, but no one answered. 

"Okay, it's time to be detectives!" Nott jumped on her chair. "We need to figure out who was the last person that saw Jester!"

"Well, that would be me, before we went to bed," Beau said, crossing her arms. "Now what?"

Something between a whine and a groan escaped Caleb's throat. Fjord sent him an inquiring look, didn't bother voicing the question. 

"I saw her last night," the red haired man said.

"Why didn't you say something?" Molly pushed. 

"It wasn't like- I was reading and she came here and she was being loud and I told her to stop and then she went outside and then she came back in!" Caleb's tone rose defensively, as he rose his hands as if interrogated by crown guards. 

"You sure she came back in?" Fjord asked, eyeing him. 

"I- I think? I was trying not to pay attention," Caleb shrugged.

"Okay, okay, okay," Nott interceded, putting an arm on her wizard friend, "what's important is that we can ask more questions now! Like, maybe who saw her last night when she went out!"

"That's- actually not a bad idea," Fjord conceded. 

Their second round in the town was almost as frustrating as the last one. They'd split up to cover more ground but even like that there seemed to be no clues. As night fell, though, they were pointed out to a man who kept watch in a nearby building overnight. He was just arriving to his post when Caleb, Nott and Fjord found him and, after Fjord gently prodded, they got their first bit of news: 

"Don't know about a blue woman, but I did hear someone out here last night. Didn't see them, though. First, I thought the girl was insane, talking to herself she was, but then there were some men, guess she was talking to them."

"Which men?"

"Don't know, just saw them riding past here in a carriage. Girl wasn't talking no more after that, so I guess that's who she was with."

"Could you tell us in which direction the carriage seemed to be heading?" Fjord enquired, careful to keep his voice even, not too interested. 

"That's easy, took off to the road up there and into the woods in quite a hurry."

Fjord thanked the man, trying to keep his expression from souring until they were out of sight. So Jester  _had_ left with other people. The barnacles inside his gut seemed to grow with displeasure. The idea made him feel... sick. He wasn't sure why, they'd barely been traveling together for a little while, and he knew she could be erratic, ready to move on at any given second. He'd seen enough free spirits at sea to know some people just couldn't be anchored in a place or a group for long. And yet, her sudden departure left a sour taste in his mouth. 

"Well, I guess now we know," Nott said, but any excitement from the answers they'd gotten seemed to have vanished at the realization that she'd lost her new friend. 

"We don't now that yet," Caleb said, squeezing Nott's shoulder. "We don't know... Fjord, I need to talk with you."

Surprised by this, Fjord snapped out of his own heavy thoughts and sent the wizard a curious look. "What about?"

"There you are!" Beauregard's voice reached them as they approached the inn. She was walking briskly, with Molly and Yasha on her toes, equally in a hurry. 

"I'm sorry Beau," Fjord said sadly, "you were right. Seems like Jester left without us."

"No, I don't think she did," the monk girl replied firmly. Her husky voice was even lower than usual, a serious glint to her eyes that Fjord had only seen in battle. It startled him.

"Whatcha talking about?"

"I don't think she would've left without this," Mollymauk said, pushing forward and handing Fjord a small muddied package.

He couldn't tell if it was the concern in Molly's voice, or the fact that he and Beauregard seemed to be in the same page, but something inside Fjord  _knew_ what was coming, even before he looked down at the little notebook his hands were now holding. Heart pounding, he carefully opened it, revealing what he knew to be Jester's daily sketches.

A string of every single curse word he'd learnt as a sailor escaped his mouth.


	4. Emptiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mollymauk knows a lot of things, he just doesn't always know how he knows them. 
> 
> He knows this though: there's about to be hell to pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things get ugly here, so watch out for the graphic depictions of violence warning and some unsettling images.

Finding the men's camp took a while, but not as much as they'd feared. It helped that Molly knew how to track in the woods. He didn't know  _how_ he knew that —didn't  _remember_ learning it at all— but like with his other memory gaps, he chose to just roll with it and bluff his heart out if anyone asked. Beauregard asked, of course, because she couldn't just let him be without being a pain in his ass, and he made up a complicated story about the circus having to track down a bunch of creatures that kept somehow escaping when he was growing up. She looked like she didn't believe a word, but she also stopped pressing. 

"I feel like we need a plan," Caleb whispered, once they had the camp on sight.

They were still well into the woods, protected by darkness and thick trees. Far away, there was a large camp with several tents and around ten men walking around.  _Hunters,_ Mollymauk's brain recognized again before he'd put the pieces together, just by looking at them and how they moved. A glance around revealed pelts, drying meats, boxes and cages. 

"The plan is to fuck shit up," Beau replied, cracking her knuckles. 

"But there's a lot of them," Nott whispered, half hiding behind Caleb's legs. 

"We can take them," Beauregard insisted. 

"We are not 'taking' anyone," Fjord sighed. It was hard to tell in the dark, but Molly was pretty sure he could feel him face-palming. "We don't know what's goin' on yet, or who this men are, or  _if_ they know anything 'bout Jester. We gotta play this smart."

"I do everything smart," Molly jumped, offended. 

"I agree," Yasha nodded. 

"Thank you."

"No, I agree with  _him._ We need to know what this is, and  _then_ if it comes to it... we can take them."

Fjord's silhouette sparked for a moment, enough for Molly to see his face changing to that old human form he seemed to like so much. He'd have to ask the half-orc some day how he'd come to chose that look in particular. 

"Alright," the new human voice whispered, "Caleb and I will go talk to them and see what we can find. The rest of you, keep your eyes peeled for trouble."

As they went into the woods, he heard him say in that shaky old voice Fjord did so terrifyingly well: "Hello, gentlemen! Excuse me, my son and I are-"

And then he stopped listening, because this was stupid and boring but at least while the hunters were busy with the new comer he could take a look around. As flamboyant as he was, he knew he could be quite stealthy when he chose to.

"Stay here," he murmured to the others as he started to make his way around the camp, keeping to the woods and the shadows. 

"Hey, hey, hey, where are we going?" Beauregard whispered behind him. 

"Shut up. Go away," he groaned. 

"Don't be a dick, I wanna take a look too."

"Then go in another direction!"

"This is the best direction to go to!"

"I  _know_ that's why  _I_ took it," Molly glared at her over his shoulder. "Why do you have to be so awful all the time?"

"Why do you have to keep calling me that, asshole?"

"You're the asshole," Molly muttered, "but now shut up or you'll get us both in trouble."

Thankfully, the monk seemed to chose common sense for one and keep her mouth shut as they made their way closer into the camp. The men were gathered around the fire, where they seemed to have invited Fjord and Caleb, so him and Beau could move somewhat freely around the edges, looking for... something. If he was being honest, Molly had no clue of what he was looking for, he was fishing as he did when he read people for cards. He ran his fingers through the pelts, hoping his brain would pick up a familiar texture, then peeked into the tents wondering if he'd find his blue friend sleeping in one of them.

This group of people he'd ended up with was a little weird —not as much as the carnival folks, but certainly drawing close to it— but Jester was by far her favorite so far. She was just cheerful and delightful and he'd hate to admit it out loud (because getting attached is not a thing he should be doing right now) but her presence had been sorely missed through the day. It was good having another tiefling around, he told himself, strength in numbers and all that. Even surrounded by circus folk, people would some times stare at him like he was their worst nightmare, or a creature of some sort instead of a person, but with Jester around it never felt like that. He felt almost normal, and she made it so damn easy. 

Mollymauk sighed heavily, trying to push the thoughts away. Jester clearly wasn't here and, if she were, she may just not want to come with them. Not that this guys had much more to offer than their group did. Food and money, maybe, but they seemed like an awfully boring lot, smelly in a way different to Caleb's. The wizard smelled like mud and rain and musk, this men reeked blood and salt and sweat. And death. Mollymauk eyed the small cages containing trapped and scared animals: snakes, birds, otters. There was a bigger one covered by a blanket, big enough to hold maybe a bear, but he thought this men wouldn't be stupid enough to try to keep a  _live_ bear around. Still, out of curiosity, he pulled the thin fabric off the cage to take a look. 

He was wrong. This men  _were_ stupid. And now, he'd decided, they were  _dead_ too. 

Inside the cage, staring at him, was Jester. She was shaking, hugging her knees against her chest, and completely naked except for a pair of cuffs chained to a collar around her neck.  _Like an animal,_ was the thought that crossed his mind and he heavily suspected that was the intend of it.

Oh, this guys were dead men walking.

"Fjord!" He shouted, at the top of his lungs, looking back at the fire where the men were gathered. 

He saw surprise and frustration cross the man's face, clearly annoyed that his little mask game had been interrupted, but then recognition flashed in his eyes as he spotted the girl curled into the cage. His disguised dropped as he stood up and a shadow took over his usually welcoming features. 

"Well, then, gentlemen," he muttered in a low voice that still managed to reach Molly and chill his spine. The half orc pulled out his falchion, just as the wizard spat a curse in a foreign language. Somewhere in the woods, Yasha moved too, and then the fight broke lose.

Molly immediately turned to the cage, pulled out his sword and tried to cut the lock open. Easier said than done, especially when two of the hunters were already running towards him with their weapons drawn. 

"Shit," he ducked out of the way of an arrow just as another man swung a dagger at him. The blade nearly reached him, but Beau's staff found the man's face first and knocked him away with a strong hit. Without missing a beat, Molly tried to hit the lock open again. No luck. 

"Move, I can do it," Beauregard pushed him away. "Just cover me." The monk sat down next to the cage, pulled something our of her hair bun and started picking the locks. 

"How do you know how to do that?" he asked, as he swung a blade towards the nearest man. It cut one of his arms clean off. Before he could scream, his other blade opened his throat. 

"This really isn't the time to talk about that," Beau replied, her words tense as she clenched something between her teeth. "Yeah, man, there you go!" She beamed as the lock clicked. 

"Great," he said, pushing the monk away to crawl into the cage. He ignored her complains and focused on Jester in front of him, who smiled and crawled towards him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. He hugged her back, carefully placing his hands on the back of her head. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay. We got you," he whispered softly, as he pulled back to press his forehead against hers. She was shaking in his arms and he could feel how cold her arms were around his neck.  _Right, fuck._ Quickly, he pulled away, took off his coat and wrapped it around her. "There you go," he said softly. "Now, let's get you out of here." 

He helped her up and pulled her gently out of the cage. The chains were still on, but they'd have to wait until the fight died down to deal with them. 

"You didn't have to let me out here alone, dude!" Beauregard complained as they emerged, just as she swung her staff and knocked a guy to the ground. 

"You seem to be doing alright," Molly snorted.

"Shut up, man! Hey, Jester!" She waved, then got a punch to the gut from the man she'd just hit with her staff. "Oh, motherfucker-"

They could handle that. For now, he pulled Jester to the forest. The girl followed quietly, slightly hunched over. Once they stopped by a tree, she crouched down by a bush, hiding. She looked terrified and his chest twisted, wondering what this bastards had done to earn that kind of fear from the girl. 

Either way, they'd pay for it in a second. 

"Wait here and stay down, I'll be right back okay?" He said quickly.

As he was turning away to leave, he felt her grab his leg tightly. The chains forced her to almost throw her whole body forward to reach him. 

"What?"

Instead of an answer, Jester gave him a pleading look and made a whining sound. She was breathing rapidly and holding on to his leg with horrible desperation. She whined again, looking on the verge of tears

"Hey, Jester," he said, with the same soft tone with which he'd soothed Toya after a nightmare. "It's okay. We've got this. You just... gotta... Jester?"

Even as he spoke, he could feel something was wrong. Jester was looking at him, but something was missing. Something else. There was recognition in her eyes, but behind that he couldn't find all the other sparkling details he'd so clearly read the day they first met.

"Jester?" He asked again. His mind was putting pieces together and he didn't like where it was going. "Jester, hey, talk to me. Are you hurt? Are- Are you..."

She shook her head nervously, but no words came out of her mouth, just another long sound that was filled with confusion and fear, no traces of understanding.

"Oh, dear."

And again, his mind filled a blank with another, and by some past forgotten experience he could tell that this was much worse than he'd feared. One word, sharp and clear and horrifying, appeared in his head: Feebleminded.

 


	5. Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes there's nothing you can do except wait for the morning.

The battle took longer than he expected. Even though their enemies were mainly normal people —aside from two or three wizards— they were strong as fuck and it took all of them to finish off the remaining ones (a few fled into the woods early on and they had no time to chase after them). Despite the exhaustion, Fjord found strength somewhere deep inside his chest. Every time a hit seemed about to push him over the edge, and his body was nearly ready to give up on him, the memory of his friend tucked into a cage, looking small and terrified, managed to push him forward. He suspected he wasn't the only one. Even though Mollymauk had entered the fray rather late, he'd been by far the most deadly one in the fight. He'd seen the man fight before, but never with such precision and drive.

As they gathered themselves back together, he walked briskly to the bush in which Molly'd said Jester was hiding. The fact that she hadn't joined the fight was worrying, but he figured in her shaken state she'd rather not take any risks. She wasn't a very resilient fighter and the memory of how she'd gone down in their first fight against a snake still haunted him from time to time. 

"Jester?" He called, peeking into the darkness. 

After a second of stillness, the girl appeared from the wood's darkness and darted forward towards him. He had little time to open his arms to receive her strong hug, but quickly adapted his body to fit her. Pressed against his body, with her hands clenching his dark clothes ferociously, Jester was cold and shaking. Fjord tried to focus on those two, instead of thinking of how very, very,  _very_ naked the girl was. She was covered in Molly's colorful robe but even like that he could feel her body tight against him, every curve and every heartbeat palpable. He felt his face grow hotter. However, the knowledge of  _how_ that nakedness had come to be and how horrible it must have been for her, managed to sober him and keep his thoughts in line. 

"Hey, you," he said gently, pulling back from her hug. Careful not to look too much, he grabbed the purple robe and wrapped it tighter against her shoulders, helping her cover up. "It's alright, we've got you now."

"Fjord," Molly said, behind him, but he kept his attention on her. 

"What happened? We've been looking for you all day, had no clue were you'd gone. D'you know anything 'bout this guys? Why they'd-"

" _Fjord!"_ Molly insisted. "Fjord, listen, she's-"

Quiet. 

He hadn't known Jester for a long time, but he'd known her long enough to expect a long stream of words coming out of her mouth in a stressful situation like this. Instead, she was quietly looking up at him. Her lips were half parted, like she wanted to say something, but her expression was just...  _blank._

"What's wrong?" He asked, frowning down at her. There was no answer from her, no recognition. He turned to the other tiefling, eyes growing harder and voice demanding. " _What's wrong?!"_

Mollymauk left out a long heavy sigh without meeting his eyes and uttered a single word: "Feeblemind."

"What's that?"

"A spell," Caleb said, joining them. "A powerful spell."

As soon as the wizard was within range, a high pitched sound escaped Jester's throat. She jumped suddenly, moving around to hide behind Fjord. 

"What?" He asked, looking down at her, but she didn't respond. Her face was buried against his side, hiding from the other man. 

"This is bad," Caleb grumbled, looking up at Fjord. His eyes seemed to have an apology, maybe even pity, and the half-orc quite disliked what they bode. "This spell is... it's a very damaging psychic spell. It just reduces one's intellect and personality. It- It shatters the mind."

Something inside Fjord crumbled, like an old tower that'd suddenly lost its most basic structures. 

"She's not here," Mollymauk added, mournfully. "I mean- she is, but she's not... Jester."

"Not quite," Caleb shook his head. "There must be something left. She might be able to recognize friend from foe, or have some basic instinct, but she won't understand anything we say, she can't talk either, it's all just..."

"Shit," Beauregard crossed her arms over her chest. "This is shit. This is fucking-"

She was cut short by another distressed sound as Jester further hid herself behind Fjord. Her hands were clenching him tightly enough for her nails to dig into his skin and she was violently shaking. He could feel her face burrowed against the small of his back. 

"I thought you said she could recognize her allies," Beau sent Caleb a betrayed look, bloody fists clenched by her sides. 

"Technically," the wizard shrugged, face pained, "but this spell, it's complicated, it varies..."

"Okay, maybe we are just crowding her a little," Mollymauk walked forward with his hands up in the air. "How about everyone backs away. I'm sure she just needs some air."

"Oh, hey!" Nott suddenly appeared in the group, cheerfully running towards Jester. The others tried to warn her but she didn't listen. She approached the blue tiefling, holding out a pack of clothes in her hands. "I found your dress! It's still  _very_ pretty! It was hidden with a lot of cool things! I can show them later to you!"

This time, Jester didn't seem distraught. Instead, she crouched down and smiled to the goblin girl, tilting her head. 

"What the fuck?" Beau complained. 

Jester didn't grab her clothes, but she reached out and ran her fingers through the fabric with a curious look. Nott's shoulders fell at the lack of response. "What's going on?" She asked, looking up at Fjord. 

Up until that moment, when he tried to speak, Fjord realized he'd run out of breath. He couldn't talk. Something seemed to be clenching his chest tightly enough to squeeze the life out of him. How could he answer Nott when he himself was struggling to understand what this meant?

"Nott, come on, let's take a walk," Caleb said, grabbing the goblin's hand gently and pulling her away. "I'll explain."

Nott left the dress with Beauregard and left with her wizard friend, not before sending one last confused look over her shoulder to the tiefling. 

"Alright, let's get you dressed," Beau said, taking a step forward, but as soon as she did Jester darted back up to her feet and ran off, this time into Mollymauk's arms. The monk groaned, in confused frustration. "What the fuck?" She sent Fjord a pleading look.

"Even she knows you're awful," Molly teased, but there was no real mockery in his words. His face was too twisted with worry to be playful as he held the shaking girl in his arms. 

"I'll dress her," Yasha offered. At some point she'd arrived, but Fjord hadn't really noticed her. He was still having trouble to process everything that was going on. 

"You think that's a good idea?" Beau arched an eyebrow. 

The barbarian didn't reply, but she walked slowly to Jester bent down just enough to be at her eye level. "Hello, Jester. Can you come with me, please?" She said, her usual deadpan tone tainted by a surprising softness.

To everyone's surprise, Jester let go of Mollymauk and held on to Yasha, like a small child holding on to a trusted adult in a crowd. The woman didn't even look sly about it, she simply grabbed the clothes from Beauregard's hands and walked the tiefling into the woods to where she could get her dressed. 

"I don't understand anything," Beau complain. 

"That makes two of us," Fjord replied, finally able to find his own voice. He pinned Mollymauk with a serious look. "How long does this spell last?"

"Months, possibly? I don't know. It's- It's a  _strong_ spell," the other replied, shaking his head slowly. "This is bad."

"Then how do we fix it? There has to be some other spell that Caleb or I can do to... to help her."

"We can't," Molly said, sounding almost exasperated. "That's the fucked up thing. She's- She's the only one of us that could fix this. You'd need to be a cleric, or a druid, or some kind of fucking bard to fix this thing. This is a very particular kind of dark magic."

"God dammit," Fjord hissed. "Then what?"

"I don't think we can do anything tonight," Beauregard said, crossing her arms. "It's too late now to find help or something. I say we get her back to the inn and figure it out tomorrow morning."

"We can't let her spend all night like this," Fjord complained. The idea of Jester spending one more minute in this state was extremely distressing. 

"We can't help her much right now either," Molly said, twisting his mouth. "Hate to agree with the criminal monk here, but she's got a point. At least this way she'll be safe with us, spending the night amongst friends rather than... here," he huffed the last word grimly, sending a look back at the cages in which he'd found the tiefling. 

Fjord followed his line of sight and immediately felt sick to his stomach, much more than he ever had at sea. 

After a while, they were ready to go. As they made their way through the woods, Nott offered Fjord a handful of silver jewelry that she claimed to have found right before they left camp. Jester's things, Fjord knew them by heart: two earrings, one with a chain that attached to her horns, a bunch of rings, that small silver cuff she wore on her tail... and the traveler's symbol. He strongly suspected the goblin girl had intended to keep this things to herself, maybe as a playful prank, but the fact that she was handing them back probably spoke to how upset she was about her friend's current state. He decided to play along and not mention it. 

Two hours later, they were finally back at their rooms. Wordlessly, they split, exhausted and feeling rather down with one of them down for the count. As Molly carefully folded his clothes, Fjord put the jewelry he'd been holding on to inside his bag, in a small pocket where he knew it'd be safe. The holy symbol, however, he wrapped tightly around his wrist, where he could keep it safe and close. Jester would want him to take especial care of it. He was just starting to take his falchion off when there was a knock on their door. He opened quickly, fearing more trouble, and found a bristled Beauregard. 

"I can't! I can't! Every time I walk into the room, she starts screaming!"

Fjord frowned. Without a word, he stepped into the hallway and went straight for Caleb's door. If anyone would know what was going on, it might be the wizard that seemed to hold more knowledge about this kind of magic than any of them. Molly and Beau followed him closely. The red haired man, opened his door, a book still in his hand and a tired look on his face. Fjord quickly explained the situation and saw him rub a hand over his face with frustration. 

"I don't understand it either," he admitted. "This isn't supposed to- she shouldn't be  _scared_ of us by any means. We have shown her that we are her allies, but even before when I came by to grab Nott's things she almost hid under the bed. I don't- I don't get it."

"Didn't you say you two had a fight last night?" Fjord asked, searching Caleb's face for an answer. He'd seen Jester's last sketch and even with her playful drawings he could tell that whatever the wizard had said she'd taken quite strongly. 

"That's not- It's not like- It was just a fight."

"Yeah, and I haven't done anything to upset her either," Beauregard intervened. "She can be angry at  _him_ or whatever but what did I  _do?"_

"Isn't being you enough?" Molly asked with a sharp smirk. 

Fjord sent him a hard look, he wasn't in the mood for their antics. 

"She didn't seem to like the inn keeper either, on our way in," Yasha said, exiting the girl's room. Fjord was about to complain that Jester shouldn't be left alone right now, but her words distracted him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Beau arched an eyebrow. 

"Humans," Fjord sighed. 

Yasha nodded in agreement and Molly hit his forehead with a quiet "of course". 

"What?" Caleb looked at them, sounding almost offended. 

"Look," Molly sighed, "your kind has a... a thing with... with people like us. You don't like us very much."

"We like you well enough," Caleb replied. 

"Well, not you," Beau added looking at Molly. 

"He's right," Fjord said, crossing his arms. "It's the best explanation."

"But we aren't-"

" _You_ aren't," Molly cut Caleb off, an underlying tension to his voice, "but when you look like us every single human is a possible threat. You saw what happened tonight. That's a risk we take every day. If she's running on instincts..."

"It makes sense that she'd be naturally wary 'round you," Fjord finished, tilting his head down in a tired nod. "Nothing personal, just survival."

"Then what?" Beauregard asked, and despite her nonchalantness Fjord could see real worry behind her eyes. He could tell it hurt the monk that her friend saw her as a threat, even if it wasn't Jester's fault at all. 

"She's comfortable with me," Fjord sighed, "she can share my room. I'm sure Molly wouldn't mind switching into y'all's room for a night."

Mollymauk opened his mouth to complain obviously, as did Beauregard, but Fjord made sure to pin them both down with his most stern look.

"This is bigger than whatever it is you two have going on," Fjord reminded them. "We can't put Jester through hell all night just because you two can't be in the same room for a night. Wouldn't be fair, she's been through enough, don't ya think?"

There was a long silence, in which the tiefling and the monk shared a tense look, then they both deflated and muttered "fine" at the same time. Some day, when his head wasn't filled with sickening worry, he'd have to point out to them how similar they were. For now, though, he took it as a victory. 

Without another word, he walked to Jester's room. He knocked, out of habit, then realized she wouldn't understand what it meant. Slowly, he opened the door. Jester was sitting on a corner, hugging her legs as she'd done back in the cage. It broke his heart. 

"Ay oh ay," he murmured gently, crouching by her side. "Whatcha say, sweetheart, wanna have a sleep over with me?"

He offered a hand and the girl took it without a second of doubt. Slowly, he pulled her up and guided her out to the hallway. Molly and Beauregard were nowhere to be seen, but Yasha was still there. 

"They said they'd need alcohol to make it through tonight," she shrugged at his unvoiced question. He rolled his eyes but nodded at her and continued his way. He didn't envy the night she had ahead of her, but he had worries of his own for now. 

Once in the bedroom he was unsure what to do. He finished taking his armor pieces off, keeping an eye on Jester as she explore the room. There was no excitement or curiosity in her eyes, though, just a trace of recognition, like a wild wolf examining it's surroundings for its own survival. He tried turning off the candle, to see if that way she'd go to sleep, but a scared long whine had him turning it back on in a hurry. When he looked around, he found Jester pressed back against the corner again, shaking. 

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he said quickly, raising his hands. "It's okay, we can keep the light on."

She didn't seem to understand. 

"C'mon, darling, just go to bed. Look, it's right here," he said, patting the bed. She slowly walked up to him, looked at the bed and back at him, as if expecting... something. 

Fjored sighed heavily, then figured he'd lead by example. He moved to his own bed and laid down, his eyes always on her. "See? Like this."

With one careful step after the other, Jester approached him, then climbed into his bed. 

"N- No, no, Jester, y-you have your bed, you can't... this isn't..." He could feel his face burn and his heart beat like crazy inside his chest. She didn't seem to understand, though. Her hand reached for his chest, blue trembling fingers finding his shaking heartbeat, and she grabbed onto his undershirt tightly. Her other hand found his and held on to it. Curled up like that against him, fear finally drained from her face and he saw her features reclaim a calm that hadn't been there since they found her. 

"Fine," he sighed, wiggling away until his back was against the wall, leaving quite a few inches between their bodies. There was nothing really uncomfortable about this, though, just intimate and trusting.

He could tell by her face that she felt safe, enough even to close her eyes peacefully. Alright, if he could give her this, after everything she'd been through, he would. He would gladly. Jester was, after all, the best friend he'd had ever since he could remember. She had his back all the time, encouraged him, praised him, looked after him and, most importantly, she made him happy even when it seemed impossible. He had to get her back, on one hand because she didn't deserve this hell, and on the other because —being honestly selfish— he couldn't picture losing her to this emptiness.

He brought his left arm up, the one with her holy symbol, and carefully wrapped his hand on top of the one she had clasped against his chest. He held her there, feeling his callous skin against her soft knuckles. With his forehead barely brushing her bangs, he fell asleep, muttering a silent promise that he would find a way to fix this tomorrow morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello i have feels about this two and couldn't help myself byeee


	6. Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somethings are fixed with magic. Some aren't.

As soon as the sun was up, they got to work. Fjord talked the inn keeper until she dropped a hint, that took them to the show maker, that took them to the school teacher, who knew a cleric a few miles out of town. Yasha stayed with Jester —they couldn't bring her around town in her state— and eventually got to a small shrine for a goddess Caleb hadn't heard of before. It didn't matter as long as there was a cleric, who happened to be a young woman, couldn't be past twenty, with thick raven hair and a pair of thick spectacles. She welcomed them and listened carefully to their story, brow furrowed in what could be either concern or anger, hard to tell. 

"I can help you," she nodded slowly, "but it might take a while. It takes a lot of diamond dust to perform the spell, worth a hundred gold. I have about half, but to get the rest I'd have to move some contacts..."

"We can get it," Caleb jumped. He didn't pause to think or consult the others, but he assumed they would agree. "We are very good at this, and we have a few things of value we might be able to trade, we can get the rest of it."

The cleric gave them an inquisitive look, like she was trying to figure something out, then she nodded. "Then do. I will try to get some, too, but the sooner we perform this the better."

"And how are we gonna get the money exactly?" Fjord asked, arching an eyebrow once they were outside. Caleb knew the half-orc enough to know he wasn't really as annoyed as he tried to seem, it was nerves that they couldn't do it. 

"The same way we have survived this long," Caleb said, pointing at him and Nott. "By any means necessary."

"Hard to pull a con in a town like this where we've pretty much talked to everybody," Beauregard crossed her arms over her chest.

"Yes, no, that wouldn't work, but there must be other ways."

"I mean," Molly smiled, "we are a...  _skilled_ bunch of people... I'm sure a bit of petty thievery wouldn't be extremely hard. Not for this one, for sure," he added, pointing a finger at Beau. 

"Actually, that's true," the monk replied, with a self satisfied smile that gave Caleb chills. 

Fjord looked uneasy as he met his eyes, but Caleb kept his gaze firm. He knew where Fjord stood in this matter, as he knew he would stand if this was Nott... as, actually, they all would all do for each other, actually. He saw as the half-orc brought a hand up to his wrist, his fingers reaching for something under his arm bracers for a brief instant before he nodded. 

"Let's be discrete about this, though, we don't wanna be drawing any attention to ourselves and we don't wanna go hurting this people."

"We already have quite a bit of gold," Nott suddenly offered, pulling a small bag from under her hood. "I found this in the bad men camp. It grabbed it because it was so shiny, and it still is  _very pretty..._ " her voice drifted off for a second, as her eyes mournfully looked at the small bag, then she placed it in Caleb's hand quickly, as if it could burn her. "It doesn't matter, though, I can find more coins later but this can help fix Jester, yes?"

Caleb carefully opened the bag and peeked in. He looked at Fjord.

"Oh, this might be almost enough," he announced, smiling a little. With his free hand he ruffled Nott's hair softly. 

"There is almost thirty gold pieces here."

"So we need twenty more," Beau murmured. 

"Great maths there," Molly snorted.

"I have some coins I could put forward too," Fjord nodded. "About ten gold."

"I have a couple books I can resell for maybe five more gold pieces," Caleb sighed. Partying with books was always hard, but he'd read them before and even if he hadn't there'd be more books in the next town (hopefully). As hards as books were to find, friends were much harder to come by. 

"So we need five more," Molly sighed. He and Beau exchanged a look. "We can manage that."

"Actually, I have an idea," Beau said. "I'll meet you back at the inn in about an hour."

"Not even gonna ask," Fjord sighed. 

"Oh, you may not wanna know, but I sure do," Molly grinned. "I'll go with her."

Beauregard groaned loudly.

"Fine," Fjord rolled his eyes. "There's strength in numbers. Be careful, though."

That last part, Caleb noticed, was aimed at the tiefling, but if the carnival man noticed he made no comment about it. He just did a small curtsy before leaving down the street. 

As they walked towards the inn, Nott tugged his sleeve insistently. "This is gonna work, right?" She asked once he looked down at her. "I mean, she's not going to stay like this forever, is she? The coins will help."

"Yes, Nott. Yes, this will work, I promise," he said, patting her shoulder gently. 

It had to work, because Nott needed Jester, a friend that she could trust and be herself with without fear of being judged, a friend that made her felt loved and accepted and like a normal girl. And Fjord needed her too, Caleb knew, in a way maybe only he understood. And Molly did, and Beauregard, and Yasha, not one person in their little group was expendable to this weird balance they'd achieved. And him. He needed Jester to wake up so that he could apologize, finally put out every word that'd been burning inside him for two whole days, everything that he could've said that night at the inn that might have saved them all this pain. There was no use to saying it now, though, not if she wouldn't understand him, wouldn't be able to forgive him or at least understand how sorry he truly was. He needed this spell gone already so that he could begin making things right. 

While Beau and Molly did their thing —whatever that was— Caleb resold his two books at the store. The owner seemed surprised, as they usually did, but he managed a pretty good bargain and walked out with seven gold instead of the five he'd expected. When he arrived, the rest of the party was gathered and ready to go. Someone had waved small flowers into Jester's hair and Caleb had the strange gut feeling that Yasha had something to do with it.

They crossed town slowly, gently guiding Jester while trying to keep her from seeing too many people. She was jumpy enough as it was. Caleb and Beauregard fell behind to where she couldn't see them, just in case. 

"Hello, darling," the cleric greeted Jester warmly as soon as she saw her. The blue tiefling immediately tried to back away, but her back hit Fjord's chest and he put his arms around her, holding her in place gently. "It's alright," the woman said gently. "This will all be over soon."

It took a little while to prepare the spell, Caleb knew, but it actually went much faster than expected. Quietly, as she worked, the cleric explained she'd had time to borrow some diamond dust to begin preparing it, that she'd promised she'd pay for it as soon as they came back with the money. When Beauregard asked how she knew they would be back, but got no answer aside from a knowing look.

When the woman approached Jester with her glowing hands, the tiefling tried to back away once more, but Fjord managed to keep her in place. The dark haired woman grabbed her hands and the golden light spread even stronger as it crawled up Jester's arms. 

"Hold her!" She demanded as the blue girl started trying to squirm out of reach. Mollymauk and Caleb jumped forward and grabbed her wrists to keep them in place. It took him both arms to do so and he made a mental note about how much stronger than she looked Jester apparently was. 

After a few seconds, the light deemed and they were left only with their heavy breathings and shaking hearts. 

"Oh my god, you guys, that sucked so much!" was the first thing Jester blurted out.

With a gleeful cheer, Nott ran forward towards her friend and threw herself into a hug that the tiefling fully rolled with. She lifted Nott in the air and spun her around a couple times, laughing. 

"I missed you so much, I'm so happy you're back!" the goblin girl screamed. 

"Welcome back," Molly sighed, wrapping an arm around Jester's shoulder and pressing their heads together. The girl smiled and leaned into the touch. 

"Thank you," she said, gleefully. 

"It's- It's very good to have you back," Caleb finally managed to say, from the outlines from which he'd been watching the touching reunions. 

He froze. The smile that crossed Jester's face as she looked at him wasn't happy. It was something else entirely, something he hadn't thought her capable of, a bitter kind of smile, full of dry irony. _I don't believe you,_ she seemed to be saying. _You don't mean it, but it's okay, we can pretend you do_. Now that language had come back to her, it was unbelievable how much her eyes had changed, how much they said on their own now that they were full with life once more. 

Before he could react or say something more, Beauregard was pushing Molly and Nott out of the way and wrapping her arms around Jester with surprising intensity. "Oh my god, I'm so happy you're back dude. Please, please, please, never hate me like that again!"

"Oh, oh, no, Beau!" Jester's tone was gentle again as she rubbed the monk's back. "No, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. You are my friend!"

Once the monk let go, Jester looked at Yasha and smiled widely. "I love the flowers. Thank you."

"You are welcome," Yasha replied with a slow nod. 

Fjord cleared his throat, stepping forward. He held himself stiff, like he wasn't sure what to do with his arms and legs at that very moment. Caleb thought it was endearing, and rather unusual, to see him out of his usual charismatic ways. 

"Uh, I thought you should have this," he offered putting a hand forward and holding Jester's holy symbol. 

Her face lit up like a morning sun. "Oh, yes, yes, thank you Fjord!" She beamed as she reached forward. 

Once her hand was on the symbol, however, Fjord closed his around it and pulled her into a sudden hug, as if his body had finally given in to something he'd been fighting. Jester yelped surprised, but then gave into it with a smile. She closed her eyes and thanked him again quietly, as the boy whispered something into heir hair.

It was the kind of scene that made Caleb want to look away and give them some privacy. He was still sulking a little at the way Jester had looked at him. A few weeks ago, he would've much preferred to be left out of the hugging roulette, but right now to be suddenly left out of that display of open affection felt like a punch to his gut.  _You wanted this,_ he reminded himself.  _You told her._ He tried to distract himself by thanking the cleric, but his eyes caught a glimpse of her just as she walked out the door. He thought he saw something in her eyes, a flash of recognition or melancholy, but before he could be sure what it was she'd disappeared. 

Caleb waited until nightfall to go to Jester's room. Better get this done already, he thought, he'd just been much yelling not a big deal. He could do this. He knocked a couple times and, when the door opened, he found himself looking up at Yasha. Behind him, a rather low argument was going on. 

"Jester's sleeping at Fjord's tonight," the tall woman informed him before he could ask. 

"I... okay," he said, just as she closed the door on his face. He would've asked how she knew, but with this one in particular he'd learnt not to ask many question. 

He was about to knock when he heard voices inside. Despite his better judgement, he listened in.

"...were such dicks!" Jester was complaining somewhere behind the door. "I didn't even  _do_ anything and they just..."

"Hey, it's alright. You didn't do anything."

"I  _know!_ But they still hated me so much Fjord! Like... I know... I know I can be very  _annoying_ and very  _loud_ and when I pull pranks I know people might get angry but  _I didn't even do anything this time!"_

"Jester, this guys were assholes, it's not your fault what they did."

"B- But... they  _hated_ me, Fjord. They hated me  _so much,_ I could tell. I just- why? Why did they-"

Caleb winced when he heard a sob. There was a long silence, broken only by a mattress squeaking under some shifting weight. He didn't even dare move, thinking his steps would betray his presence.

"Now, don't you go thinking 'bout that no more, okay, darling?" Fjord said softly.

"But- but Fjord," he heard Jester sniffle, "Bo The Breaker said it gets worse up North. Worse! Than this! What are we going to do?!"

"We'll take care of each other, like we always do."

Caleb repressed a sigh. He knew the half-orc well enough to tell when he was putting a strong facade, when something was wrong behind his mask. 

"Promise," Fjord insisted. 

"Okay, promise," Jester's voice was very small. 

Then there was silence. A long silence, until Caleb decided they'd both gone to bed and he could move without risking giving away everything he'd heard. 

His conscience would have to bare the weight of his apology one more night, he decided. Everyone else had enough to deal with as it was for now. He could carry his sins a little longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone caught who the cleric is?? ;)


	7. Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness has always come much easier to Jester than anger, but that doesn't mean she can't hold a grudge, at least a little bit.

They'd gotten out of town a few hours ago and Jester hadn't dropped her disguised self until the town was well out of sight. It was stupid, she knew, and it made her feel silly, but a big part of her just wanted to get out of there without more trouble. For once in her life, she actually felt like she'd had enough trouble for a little while. Still, now they were out of their sights, on the road again, and she was surrounded by her friends, so she should feel better, right? Right. She didn't feel much better. 

They'd taken it to walking now, to give W.C. a well earned rest. Fjord stayed by her side, he had since they left the temple the day before. He kept his eyes forward and his face unreadably calm, but something about his presence made Jester feel safe and looked after. It'd been like that since the beginning, but even more so now. She felt his arm slightly brush hers with every step, and tried to focus on that, on the road, on the funny things that would still happen to them. She tried really hard, but even with the Traveler's playful ideas whispering behind her mind, it was hard to keep up a good mood. Not that the others could tell, because she made sure to keep herself as cheerful and talkative as before —she  _had_ silent time to make up for— but even then she felt them hesitant around her, worried. It wasn't making the whole non-thinking thing any easier.

"Jester," Caleb said suddenly, appearing by her left side. "Can I... uh... can I have a word with you, please?"

Right. And then there was that. Being angry was stupid and she didn't like it, but it was easier thinking about not being angry than actually not being angry. She wasn't even sure that 'angry' was what she felt, but she felt something. Hurt and sad were other words that came to mind, but she didn't like to think about them either. Stupid stupid stupid. 

When she didn't immediately answer, stuck in her thoughts as she was, Fjord sent her a look. 

"You okay?" He asked, gently, looking between her and the wizard. 

Jester was curious about how much Fjord knew about their fight. She hadn't tell him much, for some reason she couldn't quite explain, but maybe Caleb had. Either way, his worry made warmth spread across her chest, enough to smile and give him a firm nod. 

"Yeah."

She looked at Caleb, nodded, and followed him a bit ahead of the rest of the party, where they could talk. People, she'd discovered, tended to like to keep their conversations private for some reason. 

"Soooo," she drawled, as coyly as she could, "what do you want to talk about?"

If Caleb was annoyed by her tone, he didn't show it. Which was disappointing. 

"About the other night. Before you were... you were attacked..."

She winced a little. She didn't like that word. She quickly recovered herself.

"What about that night?"

"About the things I said..."

She arched her eyebrows, waiting for him to elaborate. Finally, he looked annoyed. He left out a heavy sigh and rubbed a hand over his dirty face. Oddly enough, his bad mood lifted her spirits a little. Unlike everything else this past two days, it felt normal. 

"I'm sorry, okay?" Caleb said, looking at her. "I was- I was angry. And I said some things. Some mean things. And I didn't mean them."

"I think you did mean them a little," she pointed out. "A little bit."

"I- maybe? I was angry and tired, okay? But- But that's not... I never actually meant... I didn't really want something so horrible to happen to you. And I wish I could have stopped it, and maybe I could have but I didn't, I don't know. I just... I'm sorry."

He seemed honest, Jester thought, but the heaviness in her chest hadn't quite died down. So she chose a third option she'd just decided she had: she'd brush it off and pretend until she forgot about it.

"Oh, it's okay," she shrugged, "you don't like me. Whatever. You don't have to be sorry for that."

It was an instant that she nearly missed, but she'd almost swear she'd just seen Caleb  _wince_ at her words. She wasn't sure why that'd be, if she was giving him an out.

"I do like you," he said, quietly.

"What?"

"I said I do like you," he raised his voice a little.

"Really, Caleb?" She sent him a flat look, which she'd been trying to master based on the faces Beau did. "Really, really, really? I don't know that I believe you."

"I mean, yes?" He said, and he looked as confused as she was. "Don't get me wrong, I get very annoyed with you some times, because that's who I am. And you can be annoying too, I'm sure you know that. But that doesn't mean I don't like you. You're just so... so happy, and loud, and... and you're good," he seemed to deflate at the word. He looked at her sadly. "You are a good friend to Nott, and you always try to look after all of us, and you make everyone happy. Even me, sometimes."

"Well, I try to," she said, but she couldn't really manage to sound humble because she _really_ liked what he was saying. 

"And, I know this might come as a surprise to you because it surprises me too, but I consider you a friend. And I was very worried about you. And I am very happy that you're back. And I wish I had never said those things to you. I really, really, do."

"Okay."

"And I- what?"

"Okay," Jester said, letting out a sigh that contained the last traces of pain that'd been clenching her chest. "It's okay."

"But- But I want to say- I mean... Really?"

"Yes, because we are  _friends,_ right?"

He'd said that. He'd just said it and she'd barely heard any word after that. She wouldn't let him back down on it right now. He didn't.

"Yes, we _are_ friends!" Caleb sounded as surprised as she was and he smiled as if he'd found a new book. She'd seen that reaction of his before, when he first joined their group, but never directed towards her. 

"Good! Then I'm still gonna show you my cool drawings, and talk to you about awesome things, and braid you hair, and get you to take a bath..."

"And I may still get a little annoyed if you don't let me read my books," Caleb seemed to warn, but he was still smiling. 

"Fine," she huffed, though she wouldn't promise not to bug him while he read because it really was funny and she really  _was_ curious about what made his books so especial. 

"You know," Caleb says, "I think you're the reason Nott and I are here. If you hadn't talked to us at the inn that day, we may have never met you."

"Well, if you hadn't been so stinky, I wouldn't have had to say anything," Jester laughed, "so we can call it even."

Caleb looked offended for a moment —he actually pouted!— then he laughed quietly.

"Okay, good," he nodded. "I'm just happy right now."

"Me too," she smiled at him, and for the first time all day there was no need to fake it. "Also, I will still have to prank you later to get back at you for what you said, but it will be when you are not expecting it so it can be fun!"

He looked honestly terrified at that for a moment, so he sent him a sharp mischievous grin. It was so good to have friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AAAAAAND THAT'S IT
> 
> Thank you all for your lovely comments, can't wait to know what you feel of the conclusion of this little story. Also, sorry for all the pain but actually I'm not really that sorry, I guess hehe. 
> 
> If I made a Fjord/Jester focused one-shot about their talk from last chapter with feels and fluff and maaaaaaaaybe smutt, would anyone be interested? No? Okay... *hides away*
> 
> Anyway, come geek out with me about this nerds on my Tumblr (same handle as this account).
> 
> See ya next time!


End file.
